TRUST // FAITH
Something I'm not proud of is that I tend to worry a lot. About silly stuff. Stuff I cannot control. For example, reading and learning about what can go wrong with the human body and all the diseases and conditions that exist transformed me into a paranoid crazy person. I'm not even kidding. I would wake up one morning and find all these symptoms that seemed to align with what I had been studying about one disease, and the next morning I would discover other symptoms that indicated the possibility of a different disease. Steve kept reassuring me that I was healthy and fine (and he was right). But for some reason, I was so worried. I prayed for God to take away my anxiety and for trust. I knew that God would take care of me no matter what, with or without a healthy body, but I had a difficult time feeling it in my heart. I struggled to find peace, and I struggled to trust. I called on my sweet friend from our home group who is a nurse, and I just asked to meet her for a hug. She has so much faith and trust in the Lord - it is truly inspiring. We met for lunch on a Monday and I am SO glad we did. I had a test that Wednesday that I had not even started studying for, but I knew tending to my heart was priority at that moment. I knew I needed to get my mind and heart straight. God used my sweet friend to speak to me in so many ways. Since she is a nurse, she could relate to my worrying about health issues. She said she "died 50 times in nursing school." Ha. I didn't feel so crazy anymore knowing she understood, but I also knew I needed to let go and trust the Lord. We had a long talk about trusting God. I felt so much peace during our conversation because I could literally feel God pulling weights off of my shoulders. I no longer felt worried about my health. I no longer felt worried about school or doing well in my classes. I felt God telling me to just relax, let Him guide me, and to trust Him with my life - EVERY aspect of my life. I mean, He created the universe and everything in it. He WILL take care of me (Matthew 6:25-34). This doesn't mean everything will always be wonderful. No. There will be many trials throughout life. That is a fact. But I KNOW my God has a reason for everything and I KNOW He is faithful. I've been reminded this semester that this world is not our home. We put our hope in eternity because our home is with Jesus in Heaven (Phillippians 3:20-21). While we are here, we are on a mission to spread His word and to glorify Him in all that we do. And because we put our hope in eternity with our Savior, things like diseases of the human body, school, and other worries of this world CANNOT separate us from God's love (Romans 8:38-39). After our long conversation, my sweet friend asked if I wanted to run errands with her. I took her up on it, even though I had a thousand things to do for school. In fact, I didn't study at all the rest of the day. I felt God saying, "Just RELAX and watch me take care of you like I always do. LET GO." So I did. And He was faithful. As always.
LOVE
Working with patients at the hospital this semester has reminded me to love. Sounds obvious, but I think it's easy for us to love the people that are close to us and that we enjoy being with. It's more difficult to love strangers who yell at you and make your job challenging. And I encountered several challenging situations with patients this semester. But I wanted to love these people like Jesus would love them. I wanted to avoid judgment, even though I did not necessarily agree with their attitude, faith, or lifestyle. Jesus loves us, dirt and all. He asks us to come as we are, NOT to improve ourselves and then come to Him. Jesus loves the patients I worked with that were struggling, and He is teaching me through this whole experience to love as He does.
What are you learning in this season of your life?
